[Book Review] Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women They Destroyed by Maureen Callahan
Should you read Ask Not?
Out to dinner a few weeks ago just before seeing the musical Once, my mother-in-law asked if I had heard about a new book out this summer about the Kennedys (probably the most well-known American political family).
She had heard the author interviewed on the radio and reminded me that Joseph Kennedy Sr. (the head of the family for the first half of the 20th century) had coerced his daughter, Rosemary, to have a lobotomy1 when she was in her early 20s that went horribly wrong.
While Rosemary was definitely different from her high-performing athletic siblings (she had some special needs likely due to a birth injury), she did not deserve the fate she received.
While I was familiar with Rosemary’s story,2 the title — Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women They Destroyed — was so compelling that I had to download it on Audible the next day.
Now, I was supposed to listen to it on my vacation a week later; however, once I started, I couldn’t stop. It was that good.
The Kennedy name has been in American politics for most of the past century and often romanticized by the media, so I was incredibly interested in hearing the other side of the story of Camelot.
What is Ask Not about?
The subtitle — The Kennedys and The Women They Destroy — is not only provocative, it’s also accurate. The book really is about the women and girls (in a few cases) that had their lives damaged in some way by the Kennedy family.
From abuse to scandal to disregard for the lives of others, the destructive patterns of the Kennedy men and their impact on the lives of those around them are thoroughly explored by the author Maureen Callahan.3
The book contains the tales of iconic women you would expect like Jacqueline Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe and the untold stories of lesser-known figures such as Mary Jo Kopechne and Martha Moxley.
What’s striking throughout the book is the way the author sheds light on the darker side of this American dynasty. So much of what I have read and known about the Kennedy family has been about their accomplishments and contributions, but there really are two sides to every story (as they say).
Disclaimer: I listened to this book instead of reading it but believe the review I share here is relevant to reading the book as well.
What is there to love about the book Ask Not?
Compelling Stories
Overall, I loved the book Ask Not because the storytelling was so powerful and engaging. Once I started it, I couldn’t stop and I love when a book consumes me like that. The author has a wonderful way of pulling readers forward in the book.
One thing that I found interesting was that most of the women profiled in the book had a pattern — fathers who died young, committed many infidelities, and/or were absent due to divorce; and mothers who were abusive and struggled with alcoholism.
The women also tended to come from upper middle class families in New England and were well educated, most of them had earned a bachelor’s degree in a time when it was uncommon for women to go to college.
I am not excusing the actions of the Kennedy family, especially the men, but there was a unique vulnerability to the women that were destroyed by them.
Neutral
The Kennedys have historically been a major family within the Democratic party in the United States, but I left this book honestly unsure of the author’s political leaning because she didn’t strike me as a Republican.
I did a little poking around online, reviewed her recent articles written for The Daily Mail and discovered that of three published in August 2024, one slammed Kamala Harris’ supporters, another article criticized Donald Trump, and her third piece examined the tragic death of Matthew Perry.
Regardless, Callahan did not hold back and was clear about how the Kennedy machine is still operating in the American system today albeit to a lesser extent.4 And I appreciated that the author didn’t editorialize throughout the book. She allowed readers to experience the stories for themselves and draw their own conclusions.
While I appreciated that Callahan wasn’t throwing around her opinion in the book, I do wish her perspective had been offered in an author’s note at the end of the book. I was left wondering what did this author who had spent years studying the Kennedy family think?
What common themes did she notice among the women? How did she feel about what she learned as a result of studying this famous (and infamous) family for more than three years?
Research
According to Callahan’s note at the beginning of the book, she spent three years conducting research on the Kennedy family. I could imagine the books, articles, interviews, news segments, newspaper archives and more that had to be waded through in order to write this work.
I appreciated the amount of research that went into the book and the way the stories didn’t seem overly embellished. Callahan, an investigative journalist, stuck to the facts.
This seems to be part of what made the book so compelling. It was hard to believe all of the stories could be true. And yet, the author was meticulous in citing her sources.
What’s not to love about Ask Not?
Organization and Flow
I struggled with the organization and flow of this book. There were quite a few chapters that ended rather abruptly. The first chapter on Caroyln Bessett Kennedy ended so abruptly that I had to back up the audio book.
The author mentioned at the beginning of the book that some of the women’s stories would be woven throughout the book but there was no indication of which ones. Instead, I was often left wondering if and when the story would be concluded.
Some chapters ended with solid conclusions, usually because the woman had died — murder, manslaughter, suicide, etc. But many of the chapters were left open-ended.
It wasn’t until the epilogue that several of the main stories were concluded. To me, the epilogue seemed to be an odd place for it. I felt like there could have been some subtle foreshadowing that would have helped me know where we were going.
Graphic Content
This book was more graphic than I expected. I didn’t have any false pretenses going into the book that the Kennedys were a family of saints.
I knew about John F. Kennedy’s many infidelities but didn’t realize that some of the youngest ones were still alive today and had written books about their experiences with him.
And, I had heard of the way Ted Kennedy left a woman in an overturned car to suffocate when could have gotten real help, but didn’t know her name was Mary Jo Kopechne or anything about her story.
But what surprised me was the extent of the violence committed against women. There were several points in the book where I had to take a break and walk away for a day or two before continuing.
Ultimately, I wish there had been a stronger content warning at the beginning of the book. If you decide to read this book, I wanted you to know that it is fairly graphic.
Should you read Ask Not?
I think anyone interested in 20th century American history would find this book interesting. I appreciated that it told the other side of history and that it was particularly focused on the women within and around the Kennedy family. There are so many books written about the Kennedys, especially biographies and memoirs, but not as many that focused on women.
It would make a great book for a book club because people would want to discuss it. My poor mother-in-law had to endure several discussions from me even though she hadn’t read it yet! (I guess that’s the consequence for recommending a good book to me).
If you read or listen to this book, I would love to hear what you think in the comments.
A lobotomy is a form of brain surgery that involves cutting some of the connections in the prefrontal cortex. It was used mostly in the 1940s and 1950s as a treatment for people suffering with severe mental illness or a psychiatric disorder who hadn’t responded to other forms of treatment. From what I have read, Rosemary Kennedy seemed to have more of a developmental delay than a psychiatric disorder. For more on the lobotomy procedure, check out https://www.webmd.com/brain/what-is-lobotomy
Mostly because her sister, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, founded the Special Olympics.
Callahan is also the bestselling author of American Predator, which is about serial killer Israel Keyes.
It’s worth noting that, if the Kennedy family still had the power they held even 20 years ago when they were able to kill a documentary about the assassination of John F Kennedy, I don’t think this book would have been published.
Such a well written book review. Thank you for breaking this book down the way you did.